What is it with men singing in public? The guy in the next shower cubicle might think he sounds like Barry Manilow, his mum most probabaly thinks he’s got the voice of an angel but to me it sounds like a cat having its balls crushed in a vice. It was only surpassed by some school kids on the bus doing their Beyonce impression to a mobile ring tone. Come back Dr Mengele. All is forgiven.

 

The boss is starting to look more and more like Star Wars nasty Darth Sidious.

The combination of an increased workload, impeding unemployment and arse licking beyond the call of duty has given her a scowling visage of the evil one.

Laughs are thin on the ground, loitering with intent to gossip by the water cooler a punishable offence and the march of the office jackboot is on the rise.

 

It’s often a mistake to revisit the bands of your youth but I had no regrets going to see the mighty Killing Joke who’ve just released their 13th album.

It’s been a long time since I first saw them as a teenager in London but they can still out-drone the best of them.

A maniacal front man with a penchant for face paint, boiler suits and the apocalypse, another band member who ended up in a psychiatric ward, flirtations with the occult, accusations of fascism and temporarily decamping to Iceland to avoid the end of the world have provided plenty of entertainment along the way.

They’ve also had an entertainingly fractious relationship with the music press over the years including one unfortunate who had a box of maggots tipped over his desk after a falling out.

The songs aren’t all tap dancing and sunshine but they’ve plowed a unique furrow through three decades of music. Bing Crosby always wanted to be like this.

 

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away rap music wasn’t all about trainers, bitches and gold jewellery. Cop a load of this…

 

Salons seem to have the monopoly on bad business names.

Choice names among hair dressers in San Francisco include Blown Away, Grateful Head, Hair Me Out, Mane Attraction, She Bangz and Snippety Cricket.

It must be all that industrial strength hair spray they inhale everyday.

 

 

I swapped my bike for the train this week. I’d forgotten the madness of public transport, despite more than two decades as an inmate.

The tinny music blaring out of phones, the screeching school kids and smell of wet coats like you’re trapped in a sheep pen.

The pushing, jostling sweat of humanity in all its irritation, indifference and blank faced resignation. I’ll be back on two wheels next week. Bring on the rain.

 

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas, poet

 

I can’t believe it. Some elf has already got their Christmas decorations up in the window and its only October! They must have the mother of all advent calenders.

Never mind, I’m sure Xmas will be banned as an overtly Christian celebration at some time in the near future as you can see from some of these councils who seem embarrassed about Christianity:

Bideford
March 2008 – the National Association of Local Councils wrongly advised Bideford Town Council in Devon that it could be sued for opening its meetings with Christian prayers.

Torbay
June 2005 – Torbay Council removes a wooden cross from the wall of a crematorium chapel, and renames the building a ‘ceremony hall’.

Norfolk
May 2005 – Norfolk County Council warns a Christian-run shelter for the homeless that it will lose £150,000 of funding unless it stops saying grace at mealtimes and putting out Bibles for use by guests.

Islington
November 2005 – Islington Council bans Christmas lights and replaces them with “festive decorations”.

Peterborough
December 2004 – Peterborough City Council bans staff from sending each other Christmas greetings by email.

Worcester
November 2004 – Worcestershire County Council is urged by one of its ‘equality champions’ to scrap its 116 year-old tradition of beginning its bi-monthly meetings with Anglican prayers

Buckinghamshire
December 2003 – Buckinghamshire County Council banned a church from publicising its Christmas services on a community notice board to avoid offending other religions.

 

The attached  clip is enough to break the clouds on the rainiest of days. Mind you, I think he’d be royally buggered if he hooked a big fish.

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