The film industry and its associated parasites are never more disingenuous and self serving than when they are promoting their product.

There are few things that stick in my craw more than seeing some actor/actress extolling the virtues of appearing in Shrek 3 or the existential experience of Piranha II.

Hell, Adrien Brody was even spinning a line recently about his new film Predators telling us it was an evolutionary thread from the original. Give me a break. How dare he sully the role of Arnie’s gun toting alien exterminator

It takes a couple of old-timers to tell it like it is sometimes and admit they appear in crap films to fill up the financial coffers.

Two examples come to mind.

Brit stalwart Miachael Caine made no bones about the reasons behind starring in Jaws 3: the revenge saying: “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”

Alex Guinness also told it as it is after getting fed up with his role as Jedi master Obi Wan in Star Wars saying: “I just couldn’t go on speaking those bloody awful, banal lines. I’d had enough of the mumbo jumbo.”

 

Just who is the world’s worst martial arts actor?

The mighty Chuck Norris is a god in the pantheon of mumbling mono syllabic club thumpers but there have been many challenges to his throne.

Stallone mumbled his way out of contention, Van Damme blew his credibility trying to be funny, while Dolph Lungren couldn’t figure out how to turn the door handle to get into the audition.

Surely Steven Seagal must come closest in his humourless and tediously repetitive catalogue of films that always seem to have kill or death in the title.

A choice selection for any newcomer include Hard to Kill, Out for a Kill, Kill Switch, Driven to Kill, Machete, Pistol Whipped and Today you Die.

Those about to die salute you, Steven.

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