A classic advert that appeared in the local newsagent shop this week. I love the caveat about performing ‘wifely duties.’ Well, at least he’s honest about what he wants.


One of the most disgusting meals ever created is pie and mash, an east London ‘delicacy’ guaranteed to have you retching over your shoes like a poisoned rat.

Optional extras are jellied eels (stewed or mashed) that have spent their lives sucking mud off the belly of the Thames and liquor – an evil green stoop of liquified peas.

If zombies ran out of humans to eat this would be their new feeding ground. I walk past one of these shops regularly and stopped today to watch its pale tribe of diners sucking up their liquid gruel.

“Ah, what I would give for some fresh flesh,’ I could hear them whisper.

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