The office environment provides a rich and varied habit for many species of loafer who dedicate their waking hours to maintaining a facade of busyness while doing sweet FA.

They put considerable effort into an identity of earnest professionalism which doesn’t fool anyone but themselves

I have encountered all manner of shirker, charlatan and idler during my twenty sentence in the public sector but was amused to hear on the jungle drums of one of our managers who’d been caught sleeping in the store room on several times.

I’m told he leaves a gap behind a wall of strategically placed storage crates which he lays behind like some giant hamster preparing for hibernation.

What? The same little oily haired turd who is always huffing and puffing about how busy he is while popping out for his umpteenth cigarette of the day or busy extracting his head from some superior’s ass-hole.

He sounds like perfect promotion material. Uncle Joe would have strung him up by the ceiling flex although I would just settle for a picture of this modern day Nosferatu in his resting place. Pass the stake, please.

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