I had a brief flirtation with Guy N. Smith under the bed covers as an impressionable schoolboy.

The horror-miester has written more than 60 novels including Dead Meat, The Sucking Pit, Satan’s Snowdrop and the classic Night of the Crabs.

His crab opus spawned six sequels about the giant mutated crustaceans and their habit of tearing apart unsuspecting couples copulating on Britain’s beaches.

Perfect fair for the over-active imagination until you realise that truth is often stranger than fiction.

Europe is currently facing oceanic armaggedeon in the shape of a underwater invasion of giant King Crabs.

The crustaceans have been steadily advancing from the Arctic waters of the Barents Sea around the coastline of Norway. And boy, are they hungry.

Soviet scientists originally introduced the species to increase the yield of local fisheries but millions of the giant crabs have been advancing west since the 1970s in search of a European meal ticket.

Experts are concerned that these vorocious omnivores – who have few natural predators except man – are stripping the sea-bed of life as they progress.

Our last best hope is to open more sushi bars and get Jamie Oliver to start promoting his pukker range of crab sticks.

It seems governments just love tinkering around with low-grade biological warfare as the US found out with the unwitting introduction of predatory snakeheads into its southern waterways.

Likewise, the equally hungry Cane Toad imported from Hawaii to Australia to eat cane beetles that were ruining sugar cane crops.

The authorites overlooked two small but important points.

The beetles forage in daylight hours before retiring for a well earned snooze, while the toads are night feeders. The beetle also rarely comes down from the top of the cane which are well out-of-reach of the warty ones.

The result? Cane Toad City. They’ll be driving cars and asking for the minimum wage next.

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